After the events of "Help Me," the finale of season 7 of "House M.D.," I had the sudden urge to slowly strangle small children. The writers apparently thought it would be smart to cut off the show's testicles and replace them with bags of estrogen.
I first noticed a change at the start of season four. The writers started to dedicate more episodes to the personal lives of the main characters, especially their romantic involvement with each other. The slowly started to spiral down to where Grey's Anatomy currently lies; a pit full of hearts and cuddling and pink things.
I'm not sure if anybody else cares about the /actual/ case on the show anymore. I'll admit adding details about a character's past/present/future will make the plot more interesting, but not when you flood the show with it all at one time = season 6.
I have a real problem with Huddy and its loyal followers after the finale. The thing I don't get is how people can still love this when it only channels out pure disgust. Most Huddy fans hate Lucas, calling him "Pucas," something a four year old would use to call someone of the opposite sex. Is House and Cuddy fucking so enticing that you are forced to hate possibly the sexiest man on the planet? Even without his physical appearance, his personality would win me over. He has essentially all the good characteristics of House, minus the bad ones.
I really want to punch Cuddy in the fucking face when she's sleeping. I'm not sure what exactly qualifies you to be a bitch, but I'm sure staying in a relationship you knew was doomed, accepting a proposal and then dumping the poor boy less than 24 hours later is on the list. For everybody that hates Lucas: What the hell did he do? Besides obstructing your little fantasy of House and Cuddy fucking all day long, of course.
I'll admit it; I used to be what one might call a "Huddy supporter," although I never really went as far as painting "I <3 Huddy" over random videos like some of you do. I hate Cameron so Hameron never appealed to me, and Hilson was cute but not something I was really interested in. Now? Fuck Huddy. I think House should remain the same lonely bastard he always has been, the only happiness coming from drugs.
Why the fuck did the writers think taking him off the pills would make the show better? One of House's trademarks was him popping pills every five seconds. A better finale would be him /taking/ the pills, and beating the shit out of Cuddy for bothering him.
Wilson is a fucking dumbass. If I was him I'd take an axe and chop off House's penis before killing him. But NOOOO. Wilson is too fucking nice to have an opinion about anything about House, and even if he does he's too much of a pussy to act out on these opinions.
Cameron is a self absorbed bitch. I used to hate Chase, but then he grew a spine and killed that tyrant. Cameron was always a stupid bitch to began with, and she left Chase because she's too egotistical to admit that.
I like how this fanfic archive is flooded with mary sues. "House finds out he has a daughter and said daughter plays matchmaker between him and Cuddy." Whoever writes fics like this, FUCKING DIE. The world would be so much better without mary sues causing rage and internet tears.
Every writer in this archive shat out their version of what happened after the ZOMG SO AMAZING "Help Me." What them and the readers didn't realize is that House actually took the pills and raped Cuddy after the scene ended. But they still choose to write their fics the same way, something along the lines of "House with his toned abs gently fucked Cuddy's vagina and caressed her cheek with his hand." <- I wrote that. It's my version of everybody's version. Don't steal it it's mine.
What I have basically said in this "fic" is that Huddy fans are just a bunch of idiot man whores who are too fat to actually do something productive, such as finding a cure for cancer or resscuing puppies. I know this will probably be reported because it's not an actual "fanfic" but whoever reports this is probably a Huddy fan.
Chapter 2
First thing let me just start off with how ignorant all the reviews have been.
I really couldn't see ONE intelligent review there. This one person actually started to insult me the whole time using excessive chatspeak and not being able to spell a cuss word correctly. It just proves the intelligence of the average Huddy fan.
A couple of people told me that Hugh Laurie was the sexiest man on the planet. I really have nothing against Hugh Laurie but I guess I can point out his flaws. When "House" is yelling at someone, he looks so fucking retarded I want to punch him. The way his upper lip moves pisses me off.
Second, most Huddy fan are unaware of the fact that Hugh there cheated on his wife back in the 90's. She was in Europe while he was filming in the US and he banged some blonde chick's brains out. Jo Green is too weak and stupid to actually do something about it, so she continued to stay with him even after she found out about his affair.
All these popular fics piss me off. It's always about House breaking down and fucking bitch Cuddy "helping him through it." I really don't see why people continue to read this bullshit.
I'm sure everybody who coincidentally happens to have the last name "Cuddy" has shot themselves by now, because Cuddy is just so fucking retarded they just don't want to live with themselves anymore. All these fics telling you how "tired" Cuddy is is believable because Lisa Edelstein looked so fucking old in season 6. Did Cuddy age ten years overnight or what?
People in the reviews keep telling me if "I don't like Huddy then I shouldn't watch the show." I'm sure it never occurred to them that I might actually like some characters on the show. They're too busy raging at me calling me an "idiot," even though they're the ones being fucking stupid.
All the Huddy fans need to go watch Grey's fucking Anatomy and stop encouraging the show "House" to become a soap opera. All you're doing is gaying up the show. Fucking stop it.
Oh yeah, some people said I was a moron for cussing. These are probably the same people who go around telling people how to live their lives "in the name of God." I don't think they realize how fucking retarded they sound when they tell me to stop cussing. Go back to Webkinz. Nobody wants you here.
People are under the impression I am "stereotyping Huddy fans." The hell? Every one of you are exactly the same. What pisses me off is the people getting mad at Cuddy for "being cruel to House." If you're going to fucking hate Cuddy have a good reason, not something you pulled out of your ass.
Cuddy has done mean things to House, but this doesn't fucking compare to all the shit he's ever done. Because yelling at her that she'd be a sucky mother isn't cruel at all. Fucking retards. And these people saying they hate Lucas because he physically abused House. My argument is the same one. He deserves it.
I am not crazy, but I am a negative person. You don't like it? Get the fuck over it. Because I'm not going anywhere. These people saying everybody has the right to their opinion, saying Huddy fans have their opinions too? Yeah, well they shat all over this archive long enough. This is my opinion and I'm expressing it, bitch.
Chapter 3
Huddy fans have no fucking balls. Half of the reviews I have gotten have been by anonymous haters. Stop insulting me if you're too fucking scared to use your account to review my rant.
A lot of people continue to tell me not to watch the show if I don't like House and Cuddy, even after I explained I like some of the characters. This just proves they can't make up another argument, so they disregard everything I say and continue to repeat their already ancient argument.
Some users apparently got really offended by some things I said. These are the same people who have no sense of humor and cannot tell the difference between seriousness and sarcasm. The same people who will end up as rapists and child molesters.
I have also noticed that there is no longer any person really standing up to House. In the early seasons there was the fat black dude Vogler and the badass Tritter, but I guess the show decided it would be easier if they added no fucking villain. I also like how everybody bashes Tritter, but seem to ignore the fact that everything he said was right. Even if Tritter did do things illegal at times, House fucking deserved to go to jail, and if bitch Cuddy didn't get her fatass in the way, that is where he would be.
There are times where I sometimes think that David Shore committed suicide shortly after season 3 was filmed and the show just replaced him with the corpse of Ed Wood.
I'm sitting here drinking some soda, scanning over all of the shitty fics on the first page of the House archive, wondering where the hell does everybody get these horrible ideas. Sometimes I think that House should have committed suicide, not Kutner. Unlike House, Kutner was made of win. The only thing House is made of is shit.
Why do Huddy fans waste their time trying to fuck with me? It's not going to work. I don't think they realize that they have already had their turn, and it's time for me to step into this archive. This archive is infested with ugly dumbass fics, written by idiot man whores, and for fucks sake it's been long enough.
I am not crazy. The only crazy people here are the people who still continue to like Huddy, despite there being numerous reasons not to. Go outside and get some sunshine so your brain can reactivate, okay?
I hope Cuddy gets in a car crash. I hope she's driving down the rode, and Lucas suddenly hits her with his car. I hope she dies. House needs to die too. So does Cameron. I fucking hate Cameron. Jennifer Morrison won't fucking leave. Make up your mind. Fucking god.
I am not an angry person. I listen to happy music, unlike the retards who post emo stories that are so fucking gay it's ridiculous.
I hate these people who will put their favorite pairing as their avatar. Are you fucking kidding me? If you care that much about two fake characters fucking you're the one with mental issues, not me.
I hate people who will pair an OC with House. Because in reality only Cuddy will willingly fuck that piece of ugliness without being paid. Truth hurts. Everybody else would kick him in his nonexistent balls and his leg and just run away before they're raped.
I don't see why people hate me for telling the truth, and honestly, I really don't care. They can go masturbate to a Huddy video all they like; I'll be busy doing something with my life. Everybody seems to think I must be a loser because I take the time to write this, but it really doesn't take long to write. All I have to do is write down the motherfucking facts and add my opinions about each and every one of them. Truth hurts. Get over it.
I felt I had to respond to Getoverselfuasshole's comment. I just love how you have such a way with words. The way you control your anger and telling me I should keep my opinion to myself shows your obvious intelligence.
Some person on Twitter tweeted my rant. Bravo.
Chapter 4
For everybody reviewing, I would just like to let you know I'm a girl. I thought it was pretty apparent because most people reading/writing fanfiction is female, and because of the fact I talked about how sexy Lucas is. I didn't think I would have to fucking outright say I have ovaries, but I guess I overestimated all the Huddy fans.
No, I do not live in my parents basement. They do not have a fucking basement. Who the fuck has a basement anymore.
I really don't care what pain House is fucking in. It doesn't give him the right to inflict his pain on others. It's not their fault. So he needs to shut the fuck up about his "pain," and find ways to deal with it. Others do.
This person keeps fucking pestering me on what characters I like on the show. I don't think they realize that they can just fucking figure it out themself by listing the characters I have NOT insulted one way or another.
I think they should fire Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein and replace them with Rick Astley and Lady Gaga. Becaue I would rather get fucking rickrolled and listen to Bad Romance all day instead of watching Laurie's and Edelstein's "chemistry" that only Huddy fans can seem to spot.
Hugh Laurie's accent pisses me off. He claims to hate his American accent, when that sound 100 times better than his dumbass british one. He needs to shut the fuck up unless he's using his american one.
What's fun is going through all the hate reviews but finding a little love. It's always nice to find a review that agrees with me, because all the hate comments make me lol.
Everybody's saying I'm repeating the same thing every chapter. Maybe. But Huddy fans are doing the exact same thing, and you can't deny that. Yeah, if you don't like it, don't read it.
Stop calling me an asshole, but saying House is a god in the process.
House is a fucking hypocrite. He always fucks up his team's personal life, digging into their's like he has the right to. Yet in "Half-Wit" when they did the same thing to him, he got really fucking pissed and bitched at Wilson saying they shouldn't have done it.
I hate his new haircut. I know the only reason they did it is because Hugh Laurie is bald as fuck and it's easier to cover up with a shorter haircut. Yes, because House is incapable of balding. Fucking god.
I hate the Hugh/Lisa fans. First fucking off, if you're desperate enough to ship actual actors, you need fucking help. And I'm sure Jo Green appreciates everybody wanting Edelstein and Laurie to fuck, because they were "so cute" when they were cuddling in the photo booth.
No, Hugh Laurie's personal life is not relevant to the show House, but I have gotten so fed up with teenage girls treating him like he's a fucking god. He's not that attractive, his accent is annoying, and he seems very comfortable around Lisa Edelstein, WHICH COULDN'T POSSIBLY RAISE SUSPICION, SINCE HE HAS NOT BEEN UNFAITHFUL IN THE PAST.
I really don't care if you report me. I just don't. That's pretty much the only power you have against me, so have fun repetitively pressing that button. I'm sure you get a lot of satisfaction from it.
I read all of your reviews, even the long ones. It's always interesting seeing all the names thrown at me. The different insults people use to describe me. It's funny, because I'm sure they don't even know the definition of the words they are using without googling it.
Oh yeah, "Tessa," I did fucking know "emo" stood for "emotional." Do you think I'm fucking stupid?
Chapter 5
House's scar is fugly. Even if some girl was intoxicated enough to have sex with him, I'm sure she'd have second thoughts after she saw his scar. That would probably take a few pounds out of his already heavily obese ego.
Am I the only one who notices how worthless the fucking team seems to be? Each episode they do a bunch of pointless and shitty tests that all come back negative, but in the last five minutes House solves the case from something totally irrelevant, like masturbating to a sheep.
I sometimes imagine what the show would be like if they chose Denis Leary for the part of House instead of Hugh Laurie. The show would be much more interesting with Leary playing the douche instead of some unknown British wannabe actor.
I've been getting nicer reviews it seems. No idea what the cause is, maybe the Huddy faggots are getting a bit smarter.
Some people are asking when the hell is this rant is going to fucking end. I've decided I'm going to keep going until I run out of things to say, because we all know this isn't going to get fucking deleted anytime soon. I like how a lot of people keep saying they report me. Because, that works. Totally.
I hate Cuddy. She needs to get a fucking functional brain because any fucking person can see how Lucas is a million times better than fucking House. I want to punch her in her fucking face so bad.
What I don't get is that House and Cuddy apparently had sex in medical school, yet he's at least ten years older than her, but said he has been a doctor for twenty years in one episode.
The hell was that anyway? "Oh, House and Cuddy had a one night stand in medical school, and that will make such an interesting plot line, but we will go nowhere with it."
I mean, the fuck. They never mentioned it after that fucking episode I can't remember the name of. The writers must be fucking stupid, because I'm sure two fucking people would bring up them having sex a bit more often than that.
House is fucking better off alone, without bitch Cuddy ruining everything.
I don't see how Huddy fans could possibly enjoy fantasizing about House and Cuddy fucking all night long. All I can see is two old people attempting to have sex but failing because he can't get it up. Huddy fans are just fucking weird. But, of course, these are the same people who masturbate to Huddy videos on Youtube.
I'm sure you have fucking better things to do with your time.
I like all the people who claim not to care about me, yet these are the people who have reviewed me every time. These people who claim I'm an attention whore.
All I'm doing is stating my opinion which differs from yours greatly. You don't have to fucking read it. No one is making you. So stop claiming I'm a fucking attention whore if you're the one who fucking clicked this. The title and summary made it pretty clear what the damn thing was going to be about.
Chapter 6
One of my least favorite characters has always been fucking Lydia. I mean, she gets her brains fucked out by House while she's married and has children. She obviously can't handle her fucking responsibilities. And I like how House got all upset over Cuddy sleeping with someone else while he was in the institution, yet he did the exact same thing. I'm gonna laugh my fucking ass off if Lydia comes back.
Stacy should die too. Her ignorance was proven when she said she'd leave Mark for House. She obviously has a cripple fetish, just like Cameron.
House is a fucking pussy. He fucking cried having sex with Lydia when he ejaculated. People keep saying it's because it was his first emotional connection with a human being since he got off the pills, but everybody knows they're just pulling this out of their ass.
So, one of the few times we see House cry is when he's fucking someone. Great. Huddytards keep saying he had his eyes closed and was imagining Cuddy, but we all know he was imagining Wilson. Totally.
This will be the last chapter of my rant. I've decided I've said what I've needed to say, and that will be that. I know all the hat3rs will be bitching, "Yay!!!!!!" But don't let that fool you. This will never be taken down.
I would like to thank every Huddy fan in the reviews for taking their precious time to read my rant in which they could not care less about. It makes me really happy when you call me a worthless bitch who needs to die.
No, seriously. Instead of taking the time to cuss out somebody as worthless as me you could be on Neopets busy collecting all the neocoins to buy your pet clothes or some shit.
My apologies for not getting this up sooner; I've been busy working on other projects of mine and I recently discovered I would not have access to a computer for a couple of days so I decided to finish this.
People need to STFU about Huddy for a little while. I'm sure your lives will be more complete if you did so. The ship is so fucking annoying I want to claw at my eyes whenever I see anything resembling that awful fandom.
I hope you learn that there are fucking better shows out there, and you can masturbate to other stuff instead of Huddy. I'm sure there are shows out there that features old people porn since you seem to like it so much.
So instead of going "omg u lyk suk" in that review box, you can go actually do something fucking contstructive. Go adopt a kitten or teach a blind person braille. Fucking something.
It was just lovely writing this and I hope all you Huddytards are happy with yourself, because all I'm doing is laughing at you.
